How Can You Help a New Mom with Twins?
- Mar 17
- 7 min read
Updated: Apr 7
A few tried-and-true suggestions (with IBCLC input) for friends and family welcoming twins to the world.
Written and edited exclusively by Simply the Breast, without the use of AI.
Everyone knows that a newborn is a lot to adjust to for new parents, and twins is clearly "double" that! New moms are sure to be very overwhelmed! In fact, many twins are born prematurely which often leads to mothers being separated from their babies, further increasing that feeling of being overwhelmed for mothers5. So what can you do to help moms (and dads) in this situation?
Listen and Understand
Many times new moms experiencing the separation from their babies in the NICU, due to complications from premature birth, just need a listening and understanding ear from a trusted friend or family member. It's not uncommon for moms to hold back except with their closest confidants.
You can gently ask how she is doing. Express that you can imagine how hard it is to be separated from her babies during this time. Reassure her that all the time she puts into being at the NICU, visiting them, is worth it and comforting to her babies!
Keep in mind that she very well may be emotional and also on edge. This is normal as she experiences that separation, may feel helpless, and also has hormones raging in the early post-partum period. Give her grace. Understand when she may not be acting like herself.
Power in Pumping
I am a firm believer in empowering moms. If a baby is in the NICU--and often this happens with twins--one of the very best things a mom can do is pump breastmilk for her baby! Babies born premature and in the NICU are at higher risk for gut infections. Breastmilk protects against these! This is why you will find many NICUs who have a supply of breastmilk on hand from a MilkBank (who receive donor breastmilk).
That said, for a mom who cannot be with her babies 100% of the time, and wants to do the very best thing for them, pumping her breasts to express her breastmilk is in the top 3 things she can do! Her breastmilk will protect against high risk infections and is also their very first immunity with the significant quantities of antibodies produced especially in collostrum. Still, every day that mom is exposed to germs she will make antibodies to those viruses and bacteria which will come out in her breastmilk.
Thus, encouraging mom separated from her twins to pump around the clock, every 3 hours is one of the very best things you can do to support her! Remind her that she is doing the best thing for her babies--and when you feel helpless, knowing you can pump and give them the BEST thing for them, IS empowering! When she feels like she is getting nothing done around the house, encourage her again that she is doing the most important job.
Remember, there is power IN pumping!
When Twins Are Already Home
It may seem obvious but this is when the overwhelm really sets in--we are home with not one, but TWO babies! TWO newborns! Remember back to when you had a newborn (maybe you had a toddler too, maybe not) and the overwhelm you felt as new parents. Then multiply this times two. The overwhelm is very real.
So if you are friends or family what can you do? In many ways it is the same as with any newborn. The biggest difference is that they need more support and more understanding.
For those of you who are really close to the family, it likely makes sense to visit for a month to 6 weeks. If you are there you can help for a significant period of time, helping the family get into a rhythm.
She will need lots of hands especially to get used to one baby crying, and then the second baby starts crying. As you can imagine this is very overwhelming especially for first time parents. Even 2nd and 3rd time parents it is overwhelming for. When they have someone they can trust home with them who can pick up and hold one baby while mom attends to one and then hands off the second baby when she gets the first settled... is simply invaluable! It reassures mom that her baby is being tended to even when she can't be the first to pick the baby up. This takes off some of the burden.
Holding one or two babies while she catches a nap or takes a shower is another help that mothers won't understand the value of until they actually experience it! When you have a newborn, especially one who is needy, taking care of yourself obviously is pushed aside. Clearly, twins are more needy as we have been discussing. Sometimes all a mom wants (or even needs and doesn't quite realize how refreshed she will feel) is a warm shower and not to have to worry about crying babies! Friend, you can come by her side and hold those babies reassuring her she can go take a shower while they will be cared for. She will be SO thankful!
Same is true for holding the babies or tending to them while she takes a nap. Especially for moms with twins, who are typically more sleep deprived than moms who have singletons! Give her that freedom to take a nap and rest while she entrusts you to watch her babies.
Meals, Meals and More Meals
You may think I'm being funny but really I'm not. One of the best ways you can help this new mom is to make her family nutritious meals. You don't have to worry so much about exactly what you need to make, or if it will help her milk supply, in general, it just needs to be a good, healthy balanced meal. Bonus points if it is freezable and there are leftovers!
Get Your 'Post-Natal' Here!
Many people like to bring casseroles to new parents--they are easily frozen and reheated--but do keep in mind that others may be making casseroles too. Mom may not want to be inundated with casseroles as they often have lots of cheese and dairy. When I was a new mom I remember my favorite meal we received (which I still think of to this day when I make a meal for a family) was barbequed Greek chicken with a spinach salad with apple, red onion, and feta cheese! YUM! It met all my cravings as a brand new mom!
Of course good practice is to ask mom or dad what foods the family prefers, how many people to cook for (2 adults? 2 adults and 1 child?), any food allergies or sensitivities, and if there are diet restrictions per medical practitioner guidelines. It is not uncommon for new moms to be diary free during lactation.
If you are family (or a bestie!) you can go a step further and set up a meal plan for the new family with takethemameal.com or mealtrain.com. If you are unfamiliar, it makes it easy to create a schedule and set preferences and notate allergies. I think it is most helpful to have 2-3 weeks of meals scheduled a day apart from one another. You can customize the schedule to what you, or the new parents, think best. Then send it to their contacts they think may be interested in bringing a meal...or better yet, send it to mutual contacts and you don't have to bother the new mom for contact information.
Be sure to sign yourself up for one or two days!
Time Away
Lastly, when you are faced with two babies who can, at times, be crying at the same time, it can be such a sweet gift to have someone take the babies for a walk just so you can have some peace and quiet. Imagine the stress relief and deep breathe that a new mom would take when she gets the first 15 minutes to herself. Seriously! I can hear the sigh right now.
Think about offering to take the babies out in the stroller for 30 minutes to an hour. Very often this can be such a relief for moms who are overwhelmed, stressed, or just need a break! She is sure to be refreshed when you walk back in with her babies.
Encourage mom to take a break and do something she really wants to do--wash her hair, take a quiet bath, sit on the couch with a cup of coffee and watch a show she wants to veg on, read a good book? Maybe it would make HER feel better to be able to tidy up a room, herself! Regardless, the idea is uninterrupted, peace and quiet, where she can do whatever she wants during that time.
When You Are Close to Mom
When you are close to mom, like besties, sisters, "mom", etc., there are more tangible ways you can help this new mom. Because you know her so well, you know what she may feel uncomfortable with, or what she would prefer to take on herself. One of my favorite ways to help a new mom who has twins is to take on some of the housework for her while she is recovering.
As her sister, you may know that she would simply die if you were to offer to do the dishes or clean the kitchen for her! (Right?! You know ladies who are like this! It would be so humiliating and offensive to them!) So, of course you won't offer to do the dishes. But there are other mamas who you know would count it such a blessing to have someone clean up the kitchen, put those dishes away, get to the kitchen the way that she can't right now.
Maybe you can do some of the laundry for her...wash, fold, and put away. If your friend would feel doing her and daddy's laundry may be too private, how about washing the twins or all the children's clothes? Another good alternative is doing a load of linens. Knock out those towels, sheets, bedding and maybe even make up the beds for her fresh!
If you are able to, think about staying for a month once the babies are home. You can cuddle those babies while they sleep on you and mom can catch a break, or just take one baby while she tends to the other that needs more attention. Either way, giving mom an extra pair of hands, just being a presence can help her not to feel so overwhelmed.
Few things are more stressful than a baby crying who won't settle quickly. Imagine that times 2! With you there, she is assured that if she needs to call out for help, you are right there to jump in!
More Information & Help
If are a mom with new twins, in need of some breastfeeding help, you can learn more about lactation and breastfeeding support Services offered here. Interested in learning more? Check out Simply the Breast or more blog posts!
Dedication
This post is dedicated to our neighbor who recently had twin girls and already has a little boy! Much love~
Written by a human, for humans!
